Retireholi(k)s the Movie

[0:08] JD: Me and her and him making love in the corner of your brain and it's dark and it's dead. Make no mistake, I share him. What? I hate them and love me. Overstaying me and her and him making love in the corner of your brain and scaring me to damn ignomin. Say I'm sure I want to hate and I love you. Say they don't even notice. There is no pride of their life. I die. You cannot control this. You are going to have a really, really bad time. Sir. This shit. Let me help. I may help. You're gonna have a real bad time. Hey, Fred. Hey, J.D. how are you? Good, good. How are you? I'm fine. It got me. Good to see you. Conference going good? Yeah. Yeah. And actually after under the restroom, could you watch my mom for me? Of course, of course. Thank you very much. Safe. It's safe with me. I trust you. Okay, Mr. Reese. Okay. I got it. Thanks. I got it. Yeah. I'm in charge of Fred's mug. [1:31] Speaker B: Fred and J.D. [1:34] JD: someday we're going to be the best, best, bestest of friends. Get enough of us, I'm sure. I'll tell you something. It'. JD hey, where's my mug? No. No. What happened? I. I gotta run back in now and do my program. I don't know. I don't know. Fred, don't worry about it. That's okay. J. Don't worry about it. That's. That's fine. Fred, the mug. Don't worry, Fred. I'm gonna get the. To get it. Don't you worry, Fred. I'm on it. I'm going to find the mug, Fred. Find the mug. Going to find the mug. [2:49] Speaker B: What seemed like a great idea. Well, just didn't pan out. Posting countless wanted flyers of someone's missing coffee mug is kind of like laying seed down on concrete. Pretty sure it ain't gonna sprout. He couldn't let it go. And eventually his obsessive brain convinced himself he knew who had taken the mug. So it was time to assemble a team and go get it. But who would be crazy enough to join him? [3:22] JD: Good job getting here, guys. I brought lunch. Thank you. First things first. [3:39] Speaker B: The Wheel of Ice. A game the boys have been playing for years. If it lands on you, you pound a sliring off ice. Pretty simple, really. [3:50] JD: Look, a ton of analysis and research has gone into this, and all signs, I mean, all signs point towards Shannon. S words. Is this a big project you're telling us about? This is the project. Okay, look, I've got Everything taken care of and who's paying for it all? It's called product placement, Chad. Go ahead. Try one on. Looking for a trust company that's safe and easy to use. Try pen checks. Pen checks for all your retirement distribution needs. Pack your bags, boys. Meet me out front. We're going to Oklahoma. What the. Guys, meet the mug hunter. [4:55] Speaker B: Who knew I would make it this far? [4:56] JD: They hated. They never believe me. [4:58] Speaker B: Yeah. I would never drop the ball. I know I make it look easy. [5:01] JD: Yo, Mainweather with the defense. Does Penchecks have any idea what they're wasting their money on? Don't worry about it, Chad. Just get into art. The recreational vehicle. We got a mug to find. We're going to Oklahoma. Come on, guys. Time is a wasting. Place is pretty good, man. I don't know about that yet. There's no snacks. There's no snacks. You got nothing. Nothing. Look at this. Oh, jackpot. Oh, look how old this thing is. Well, then we're in trouble. Let's just. Let's just see. Phew. Wait, no head. How old is this beer? Not old at all, dude. It's just regular beer. Come on, dude. There's dirt. It's cold beer. Let's just drink. It's 30 years old. Beer doesn't go bad. Yes, it's fine. No, it doesn't. It doesn't go bad. I'm opening it. I don't care. No, hey, look, it's a pull tab. It's. Well, at your own risk, that's fine, but I'll take the risk. Don't. Don't do it. Here. You want a beer? Yeah, I do want a beer. I want a beer from here. All right. Enjoy. [6:09] Speaker B: Fine. [6:09] JD: For now. [6:14] Speaker B: H. Something a little strange going on between Rogue Guy and that. They're cool. [6:31] JD: I think this is the kitchen. I think this is where the mug is. I don't think so. Assholes. Jesus Christ, Shannon, chill the out. Hey, guys. Shannon. S. Words. Shannon. Shannon. We're here for Fred's mug. I know you have Fred's mug. You mean this mug? Does that look like Fred's mug? Insurance. No. Okay. No, I'm sorry. Hey, J.D. i've got a tip for you. Maybe you should check out Vince Morris. I saw him all over that mug. Thank you so much. Fucking Vince. Get your TPA asses out of my yard. [7:13] Speaker B: Acrosyn. Another retireholics game. If you say an acronym or initialism, you must drink from your penalty. Drink [7:23] JD: it. Guys, found the perfect place to stay tonight. It's a brewery across the street. From an RV park. [8:04] Speaker B: Well, looks like they have a new suspect in their sights. But for now, the boys were focused on blowing off a little steam. [8:15] JD: I can't believe Shannon tried to shoot us. Yeah, right. But at least we know who has the mug now. So think, think. Vince has the mug. Beers on the house. [8:27] Speaker B: Enjoy. [8:30] JD: Thank you. Two for me. Guys, look, really, the mission's the mug, but we can have some fun tonight and head out tomorrow. Okay? Cheers it up. Cheers. Fun tonight. Oh, my God. Yeah. Come on. [10:09] Speaker B: No, drink me. [10:14] JD: Come on. Oatmeal on Sunday morning to give you two out of ten ropes. [10:41] Speaker B: Boom. [10:58] JD: Sam, Drink me. [11:50] Speaker B: When they had unwelcomed their welcome, they were now being asked to leave the establishment. But a bigger problem was at hand. You see, an under the influence Railt guy had a stake in someone else's motorhome for the Mug Hunter. Can you say grand theft auto? [12:33] JD: Oh, not again. You're not my daddy. Fuck. Well, life has nearly killed me and my mind just put me on. Yeah, Get the chicken out again. Guys. Mark's robe. Where's Mark? I don't care. Gotta get the mug. [13:30] Speaker B: I wish I could tell you that both losing robe guy and big nights of drinking that go off the rails or some kind of new occurrence for these guys, but it's more common than you'd think. [13:45] JD: Hey, how do you zoom in on this thing? [14:24] Speaker B: Poor Justin. Always unheard in many times. [14:30] JD: Get into Vince's house, get into the kitchen, find the mug. But first, like every day, wheel of ice. Justin. Yeah. Seriously, guys. Hey. What? Look, dude. What do you mean, what did you get Outside. You're up. It's legit. But use you. Okay. Chug it. Chug it. All right, look, we have the plan. Got the costumes, we got to get to the front door. I'll walk you through the whole thing, okay? Meet me out the back of the Mug hunter. Nice work, Justin. Nice work. All right, let's go, guys. [15:07] Speaker B: I mean, seriously, these boys aren't the sharpest tools in the shed, but let's see how this plays out. [15:14] JD: Scuba Steve, here to clean your pool. No way, dude. Not our pool. Somebody call about a haunted fridge? Did you call? No, we're not calling. We didn't call you. Hello. I'm Bob, here to paint your kitchen. We have a turkey in the oven right now. You gotta go. Sorry. I'm here to check the kosher ness of your hot dogs. Kosher, Ma'? Am? Serve. Federal mug inspector. I'm here to inspect your kitchen. Fmi. Fmi? Yes. Fmi. J.D. is that you? Yeah, it's me, J.D. i'm here for Fred's mug. Vent. I know you stole it. J.D. i don't know what you're talking about. I know you have it. I. You know what I just saw on a social media post? Ryan said he has his. His idol 401k idols mug. I just saw that. Let me see, let me see. Look right. Oh, I think that is fred's mug. Thanks, j.d. hey, j.d. Where the hell have you been, dude? Just health kidnappings. Say it again. Come get me. Doesn't help. Lost dude. Not only did Rinky take the mug, but he kidnapped Mark. I knew it. I knew he had the mug. And Mark. If we find the mug, we find Mark. If we could find Mark, we find the mug. Yeah, whatever. [17:30] Speaker B: On the downside road, guy is missing. On the upside, they have a new suspect. Might be one step closer to finding what they've been looking for. [18:11] JD: JD Yeah. I saw your post on social media looking for the mug. And where's Rogue guy? Fine, I've got it. It's in my shirt. It's in my shirt. I knew it. Genie's mug. What the is this? Genie Sutton is my spirit animal. I'm looking for Fred Reese's mug. I don't have Fred's mug. He's not my jam. Genie Sutton is my jam. I've got Genie's mug. Chad, Justin, get this freak out of here. See you later, weirdo. Jeannie Sutton. She isn't even an ERISA attorney. Freak. J.D. j.D. Come on, Chad. Come on. It's not bad. This is nice. I like it. This is good. This is good. Gas is on the right, brakes on the left. Don't forget to buckle up. Don't. Don't do drugs. Do you know how to drive a stick? This ain't my first rodeo, man. Huh, me neither, kid. Well, you know what they say. [19:38] Speaker B: While Mark was righting his wrongs, he might say the mission had ran out of gas. It was time to consider giving up and getting back to reality. Not the ending we had hoped for. [19:55] JD: Katie, it's time to stop. You're lucky we're not in jail right now. Fred's not even mad. It's time to go home, see your family, spend time with your kids, get back in the water. Just buy Fred another mug. Dude. Just buy Fred another mug. All right? I could just buy him a new mug. We could be best friends again. New guys. It's a great idea. You're not gonna like this. Devin Adams bottom. Another mug. [20:29] Speaker B: It was time to sober up, give up and go home. For some, the pain of the unfinished adventure would still linger. [20:39] JD: Did you ever find the mug, Grandpa? [20:42] Speaker B: Well, children, my life's never been the same since those days. Imagine, if you will, a man that's more important to you than any other man in the world. For this man entrusting you with something very valuable. Then you lose, said Adam, and along with it, you lose the very respect of that man. No, we never did find the mug. But more tragically, I never became best friends with Fred Reich. Never. [21:18] JD: Whatever happened to Robe Guy, Grandpa? [21:21] Speaker B: Robe Guy. Yes. Robe Guy made it home safe and sound. We were friends for many years. Until one day I had to fire him. He was stealing things from the office. Like little things. [21:35] JD: How was your trip? You know, same old, same old. [21:43] Speaker B: Coffee filters, Styrofoam cups, sugar cubes, paper cups, glue sticks, pens, staples, staplers, mechanical pencils, office chairs, regular pencils, plants. Those little stickers that tell people to sign here. Smoke detectors, tea bags, fire extinguisher, desk organizer, petty cash, sugar cubes, coffee grounds, tape, scissors, pushpins, spiral notebooks, yellow notebooks, toilet paper, paper towels, paper clips, post it notes, tuna sandwiches, mouse pads, keyboards, K cups, liquid whiteout, waste bins, soap dispensers, sanitizers, envelopes, stamps, manila folders, Scotch tape, CD ROMs, diskettes, floppy disks, VHS tapes, overhead projectors,